Eventful Day

Today has been one of the more eventful Sundays of the year. Rachel wanted to go to Chinatown to sight-see, so JM brought a bunch of us from campus group. As usual, we had the famous Chinese Traditional dessert.

By the time I reached hall, it was after 4. I thought I needed to sleep since that we were having a birthday celebration at night, but you know, Instant Messages pop up just when you don't need them. Anyway, I got stuck on msn for an hour...:S

Thiong Bahru Plaza was a convinient place for me to meet Wing Mei, at least, on my part, since I have been going there many times, when visiting Lisa. Four Leaves bread was just a Darn Good Bread, especially if one skipped his dinner, (needed the rest very much, packed schedule). Ate on the way while walking with Wing Mei to the bus stop.

And as with all walking with company, there'll always be some talking, by the time we reached RH, we were so happy that we went singing all the kiddo songs, me playing the guitar, and wingmei beaming away!

For all the happy events, I shall give this day a 4.5 out of 5 rating!

~ by Rose Stokes ~

Interesting Perspective...

Some pray to marry the man they love,
my prayer will somewhat vary:
I humbly pray to Heaven above
that I love the man I marry.
~ by Rose Stokes ~

Settled down...

It really was a long break from blogging. I went to Penang with Gideon, Wing Mei, and Serene. the 4 of us, made a good number, especially when it comes to taking cab.

Well, I must say we really had a fun time, went to Batu Ferringhi Beach, had lots and lots of food, Durians, and Cendol. It was actually quite romantic too, for the two of them (Gideon and Wing Mei). Along the way, we started a new fad, whenever you need some private time, just say "We need to go out and buy something."

The whole Penang trip was wonderfully wrapped up with a Charcoal fire, used mainly to roast Marshmellows (Wing Mei's eye's brightens here) and to set the...ahem...atmosphere.

There was a guitar, wanted Boss to sing for his girl, but unfortunately someone was too shy. It so happened I played and sang "La Bamba", and Daniel pulled both girls out to dance, after long hesitation, Boss followed suit. What entails was almost 2 hours of fast, catchy songs that the four of them danced to. I did try my hand at dancing (actually it was less tha. 30 seconds, Serene was forfeited, and I thought she'd be too shy to dance alone).

Back at Raffles, I got the key to my new room! Slept one night in ChaoYian's (empty) room, since it was a Sunday, and the office is closed. The whole Monday was spent cleaning up my new room, and moving my stuff over. It took more than 10 trips, 3 or 4 or which Jerome was helping me. But I finished and wrapped up at 2am.

The Result? A nice cosy room, which much more real estate than my previous double room! Ahhh, I shall really enjoy this room!

Traumatising Thursday

I know it's a weird title, but ignore it for the moment, as the day part of my Thursday was quite interesting after all.

I went back to Seremban last Sunday, and stayed till yesterday, for my friend's birthday celebration. We had a nice dinner, and a nice cake for him, celebration was fun as usual, and we had photo session almost the same as we did for mine.

The cake was good, much better than any other I have tasted from Secret Recipe. Guess where it's from? Yup, you got it, Secret Recipe!

Dinner was awesome too, we called so many dishes, I have to actually have a phase 2 to clean up all the food that weren't finish on the table. It was one of those days where I ate a lot, a whole lot. I have phase 3 and phase 4 was primarily birthday cake, yup, I ate almost a quarter of the cake, since all of them were too stuffed to stuff in anymore.



Ok, so fast forward to Thursday morning, since the other days were just nothingness, idle times spent at home thinking, and maybe a little housework and studying in between. I woke up early on Thursday, 6:30 am, to leave for Subang Jaya to meet up with Jerome. Well, my bus will be leaving for Singapore in the afternoon, so i decided to visit him, then shoot straight back to Seremban bus station to catch the bus back.

Well, we played a really interesting game called "Blokus", where each color has to place a tile which has to touch the corner of a tile of the same color. Tiles come in different shapes and size, and of different area. Each player takes a color, and start from their respective corners, all attempting to explore unconquered land, the person who lays the most area of tiles wins. But there is one catch, a tile cannot have it's edges align parallel to each other, only the corners must touch, but not the edges.


Well, this is the result of our play, I was Yellow and Red, while Jerome was Green and Blue. As you can see, both of us emphasised the Green and Red to win, while the Yellow and Blue were used mainly to cripple the other party. Anyway, I still won on both scores, wondering if Jerome wasn't really paying attention, since it's my first time, and deciding to take it easy with me. :-)

Well, Jerome had a giraffe, it has magnets in all four ends of its limbs, and one at the bottom of its belly. As you can see, you can put it into many interesting position, shy, climbing, hugging, etc.





Reached Beach road 10 minutes past 10. It was really quite a rowdy area, especially at night, things can be quite, erm... scary. I was so thankful that I came here not long ago with Gail for OMC collection. Boy, OMC really helped me a lot as far as navigating in Singapore is concerned. I knew exactly which direction to walk to, and where the bus stop is for bus 197 to get me right next to NUS. Plus point? I saved a lot on transport.

On the way back to RH, from SRC, I saw beautiful lights set up for the commencement day! It was just so elegant!!! Blue with gold sparkles (read that as tungsten yellow), but it is just, classy... see for yourself!


Reached my room, not knowing what nightmare shall ensue. My bed was infested by bed bugs! I mean, I have seen 1 or 2 before, but this is like practically crawling over the bed!!! (I shall not put any pictures here, or everyone will be running away from RH, or room 5-101) Oh, spend the next 2 hours cleaning up, and making sure my clothes and other cloth materials will not get infected. It is not until 2 before i was satisfied that the bed bugs were safely quarantined to the matress, and I shall report it to Siew Teng later on. I couldn't possibly sleep in my own room, so I had no choice but to bunk up in Thierry's room. Poor guy, don't know where is he going to sleep...

What a bad ending to such a nice day :-(

2 Cups of Coffee

Two cups of coffee can wreck quite a havoc to one's sleep pattern, especially if one has been abstaining from coffee for almost 2 years...

This is what I realised early this morning.

Saturday was such an enjoyable day. Simon brought us out to Outram to try a famous nasi lemak, but unfortunately that stall was closed as it was a Saturday. We had very nice fish soup, and lunch was paid for, which was such a delight. Simon then went on to advertise the coffee in a stall called "Rafee House". So I had my first cup of coffee then.

Later, Uncle Ivan treated us to dinner at Holland V's XO fish mee hoon. I do not know what got into me, I decided to order another cup of coffee. Maybe it was the stress, but there was my second cup of coffee, together with free dinner. Oh, and the XO mee hoon was very nice, very strong alcohol taste too. I drank at least 2 bowls full, just because I thought it would help relax the mind...

Indeed a wonderful day, free breakfast cum lunch, and free dinner, I decided to bring my total expenses of that day even lower by opting to walk back to RH from Holland V. Saving 89¢ gave a very nice feeling, but the walk back was even nicer!

Well, it is no wonder I was still alert and wide awake at 4am. Somehow, the headache and all the tiredness of the body brought me to sleep by 4:20 or so. I woke up at 8am today, no alarm clock, just an sms. In fact, now at 1pm, I'm on the bus back, I'm still wide awake and totally alert, in full anticipation of my friend's 21st birthday celebration tonight, which is also the main reason I am going back to Seremban all of a sudden, without any planning.

Grace

God is trying to teach me so many things, in such a short time. I don't know what He has in mind, but he seem to turn all the circumstances in my life, not just one aspect, but in every possible aspect that I care for, in such a way that I am either forced to trust Him, and learn of His great love, or give up, and loose hope in Christianity.

I take refuge in this song, which GLCC will be singing tomorrow, for I know that He is still in control.

Your will cannot lead me where Your grace will not keep me,
Your hand will protect me. I rest in Your care.
Your eyes will watch over me. Your love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering, I still will find You there.

Inner Unrest... Christmas Play Recruitment

I have been through this feeling many times, but this is the first time I really put into words this kind of feelings.

Inner unrest is what I call it. It is when I feel an unavoidable need to spend time with myself, to think, to debate and reason with myself, or just to be alone with myself, let my thoughts rise within my head, and argue with myself till I am satisfied.

This feeling is rather peculiar. Most people will tell you of the reluctance of parting with loved ones, employing excuses to delay the actual leaving of each other's company, especially so when it is short and few in between. But today, a feeling came upon me that I do not want to haste the time where I should reach my destination, cherishing the moment I have alone, walking through the cooling pathway with lush greens on my left, gentle breeze caressing my face.

At the traffic light crossing, it is a habit for me to cross when there are no more cars within sight, even if the red man is still bright overhead. But today, I felt reluctant to do the usual, and thus bringing closer the time where I shall return to my room again, and be faced with the 4 walls of room 5-101.

Couples may find joy and romance in taking a stroll down a nice path, or by the sandy beach, but this time, I delighted in enjoying the journey with myself, the "romance" so to speak, of enjoying the nature God has created, intertwined with civilisation and concrete structures to make the picture complete. It is so delightful I can't explain even to myself, that I should be more fulfilled walking alone thus than with someone I consider dear.

I wished I could share the company of God, walking in prayer, and pouring my heart out to Him. That, however, didn't happen. I do not yet consider Him as close to share my deepest thoughts, most personal desires. It may be analogous to my earthly father, as much as I love him for what he has done for me, I have not shared my deepest desires, darkest thoughts with him. He is a figure of respect, fear, and a model, but not the personal friend that I will share my life with. In fact, to be exact, I do not have any friends so close that I will share my personal thoughts with, I do not see anyone that genuinely cares enough for me to open my heart to.

And so it is with God. Somehow, I can't imagine someone so Magnificent, Respected, and Feared, to be so personal, caring, and close in a way I could talk to Him as a friend, and share my struggles with. There is no example, nothing for the imagination to build on, but rather, a whole new concept that I have to build upon myself, with only the Word of God as my guide. I long for a friend, a lover to share my struggles with, and Jesus says He is the answer.

I am still anxious, apprehensive, like a child will be when he first touch the water in the child's pool. He sees that it is fun, his friend tells him it's fun, and joy is written on all the faces of the kids playing in the pool. But still he is unsure, still he puts his feet in one step, and withdraws it again, thinking, perhaps, that he may not be like the other kids, he may not have some skills they have, that he is not good enough for the water. It is new, it is foreign, there are risks, he has no experience.

When the kid finally goes in to join the group, he will pick up quickly enough, then fun and excitement will ensue. So it is with me. I should have the faith to take the first step. I do not know how to pray, or how to walk closer to Him, but I know that there is always a first time, and the reward is worth the try.

---

Christmas musical plans are already laid on the table. Uncle Ivan has already began his "outreach" to enlist the help of the campus group. I wish so much to help, but I am held back by commitments.

There will be a professional director this time round, graduated from The States. It will be so interesting, I wished I could just assist, or tag along and learn more about the art of directing. It will definitely be a eye-opening exposure.

But I question my motives to serve. Am I serving God? Or is this just for personal satisfaction, to satisfy my curiosity and interest in directing? It sounds fun, it looks very ambitious and challenging, but are my intentions right?

I see this as a great opportunity to see God working through the whole team. We are expecting an audience 3000 strong, adding up both sessions. I don't see how we can do this humanly, and I want to witness His power and working through our faithful Uncle Ivan.

I really need to pray that whatever small role I will be dealing with, I can commit it to God, and serve not for my self gratification, but for my love for Him. I do not know why I never feel what I should feel, why I always serve because it's fun and not because I want to serve. But I pray that he should put me in the right spirit, that I should gain a joy far greater than self appraisal.

To God be the Glory.

Oh, to be save from myself... Much thought about relationships

Again, I was brought to the end of the road, at the cliff, almost succumbing to temptation. No, the temptation I'm talking about is not a big one, it's not even obvious, it is just a mental struggle, just me not wanting to have thoughts unrighteous.

For it is said that God judge not by what we do, but by what is in the heart, and no matter how we try, no one can live up to His law. For even the thought of covetousness is as bad as stealing.

No, my problem is not that I covet, not at the moment to be more specific. But I have entertain a small imagination of mine, while having a long discussion on sensitive topics. I decided to give myself some "slack", just a short thought, and it's not what people would consider wrong in anyway, in fact, it is actually quite academic in nature, an open discussion to find a conclusion, to have a more accurate idea of what people think, to honestly study the matter about how the human behaviour is motivated, and how people react.

Still, here's the result of my thinking (and long discussions with Thùy, drawing experience from an average girl who's not a Christian, hopefully a good sample of an average person in the Singaporean Society), and much to my amusement, I am actually putting into words something which I already know, but never thought that it can stand as an argument.

Time spent together when one is in a relationship, can actually be very fruitless, a total waste of time. As I started talking about it with others, I realise that when one is "in love" one tends to try to spend as much time together as possible, and hopefully get pleasure out of that time, but more often than not, it ends up with both parties not satisfied and wanting more, it's like there's a constant mentality that the will be satisfied from the time spent together (hence the motivation of that behaviour), but than after it, they realise that it's not as much as they expected it to be, and then decide that they want even more, which could lead to many consequences, but the most common being continuing to be together at the expense of so many other things that could have been done, and then realising at the end of the year that a whole year has passed, and so many other things in life which could have been achieved (which they want to achieve) was not achieved, all because of this idle time wasting. And to say that they have got to know each other better, I don't think that really happens either, as both will be putting on their best for the other, and that will lead to distorted conclusions...

It sometimes is so hard to give a yes or no answer about dating. Is it right? Does it help in any way? Is it really as fulfilling as they make it to be? Is it better to skip that and go straight to engagement? Such studies are quite interesting, if one practice distantiation, and objectively collect data and come to a conclusion by logical deduction instead of using one's own emotions.

A more interesting question will be is there a way to make dating healthy, more beneficial, and actually help build a stronger family? Is there a way to make the process honour God and work towards the furtherance of His kingdom? Is it possible to determine whether he/she is the right person for you through the dating process?

I have very different values and ideals from Thùy about romance. I somehow put more emphasis on the emotional, and of course the spiritual part. Still it is surprising to find out that we are still so much the same, needing that love to fill that void built into all of us. I know only God can fill that void, but I am still seeking for that to happen. Sometimes, being a Christian is so much more faith than feelings, but somehow, I seem to be so much more controlled by feelings than faith. The facts are there, but it is so hard to accept, especially when God seems silent.

I do not know why am I blogging about all these... there are so many things I want to express, want to say out. It's a test of my patience to keep to myself that which is not for the ears of the public....

Salmon Cajun & Life beyond Romance

Wow, I had a nice helping to Salmon Cajun in Fish & Co. Yesterday night since it's my cousin, Lisa's birthday. The meal was sumptuous, and satisfying is an understatement. Beyond that, I topped it up with a Choc Milk Shake too! Wow, I don't think I will ever have any dinner so rich in Singapore for a very very long time! (The Bill topped up to more than $200)

My cousin sister... 24 already, likes children, pretty and has a nice figure, caring and understanding, God-fearing, but still SINGLE... Whoa, very eligible Bachelor, but thankfully, her parents are not pressuring (read: obviously hinting) her to get a boyfriend or something (unlike mine, or some others). Hehe, though she may be starting to feel it's time soon, or at least, almost time...hahahaha, but she's doing what a girl should do, wait for God to send someone... Still, no harm for me to advertise a little here....hahaha... Her elder brother (25) already has a girlfriend younger than me by a year, and I should think that her younger brother (3 years my junior) might have one (secretly) or at least will have one soon. Well, it's easy to think of those things when one is financially stable, and are free of worries (esp that of NUS students)...

I was too tired to head back to RH, so I decided to spend the night with my cousins in Tiong Bahru, where I can have a nice good sleep for once (with aircond, nice mattress, warm comforter, and a huge, soft pillow). Woke up early the next morning, had chocolate cake for breakfast (leftover from the birthday party), and had to rush back on the bus to RH so that I can reach by 10 for OMC duty ... or so I thought. Turns out, OMC will only be working from 2pm today! WHAT?!? I should have just give them a miss, and continued my nice cosy sleep!

Well, continue the sleep I did, after getting over the initial palpitation and adrenaline rush of trying to make it to hall on time, and attending to the hall website modification which was quite urgent...

Only to be woken up yet again because someone needed me to print something... but then, this one, cannot complain la, sensitive...

Bible study was nice, Simon leading this time. We had a short sharing about the sermon on the mount. I was reminded of something I learnt recently, that we can not by our own strength be good Christians, it is only by God's help that we can work towards Godliness...

So many things I learnt, yet I'm so lazy to blog it down, I wish I had more time in my hands, so many things are pressing me now, especially the all important sleep.

Oh, and Gail pijak me today, after a long time of "peace". Just when I thought she has finally grown, matured, or changed for the better... It's like when I thought there was a gleam of hope... Hahaha, some people are just made to be....themselves!!!

The sudden cliff after the peak

My emotional graph to a heaviside-like downturn today. (for those of you who don't know what a heaviside function is, it basically means a verticle slope where a graph suddenly falls to 0, as though it is turned off in a split second)

But still, I found this phrase in Huei Weun's blog, just when I needed it most.

"Love when it's hard, work as if it's the last day of work."

I don't understand how does that apply to me, but I like the part that says, love when it's hard. It doesn't say love when it's easy to love, when it pleases you to love, but love when it's hard, when no one else can love. Love when you do not receive love in return, love when all you are getting is hate, love even when the other person don't even seem to care, love even when it means you have to give up yourself, give up your desires and dreams...

Hah, I still don't understand what I am talking about. I hope I do, but if I do, then I won't need to blog about it at all...

Still, I like the phrase I saw on somewhere:

"He is no fool to give up that which he cannot keep, that he may gain that which he cannot loose."