Monday, June 30, 2008

You can never outgive the Father

This Sunday is remarkably one of the best Sundays I have had in my life. First, it started off with french toast in the morning, I woke up at 6:30 early in the morning to prepare for that. There were for of us present (Tirza, Gail, Wayne and myself). And we had a great time 'toasting'.

Halfway in church, I received an sms from auntie jocelyn asking me to call back when I'm ready to talk to her. Turns out she wants me to help tutor her son in Sec 3, and interest him in his studies. I am not sure if I am capable of delivering, but I will just try my best, and hope God brings up the best in him. She offered to pay my quite well, I was quite taken aback, not sure if I am able to live up to that pay. But God help me, that I will be able to be a good influence in the life of this friend.

This news was such a joy, I do not know how to explain my gratefulness to God for bringing him into my life, and to provide in the time when I needed it most. I now know that finance should never be a worry, for God my father is not a poor God, and if we honour Him, He will honour us. We just have to be faithful in our walk with Him, and be an obedient servant.

Later at night, Tirza, Gail, and I went for dinner at the Bukit Timah food court. It was also quite a nice change from the NUS food we have been eating everyday, so far. We tapao-ed the famous Satay Mee Hoon for Swee Yee, hoping to share this delightful delicacy with her.

Of course, at night, I waited for Mable to come online to chat, as I promised her on Saturday night. And that in itself, is such a joy! Yet another youth that I could perhaps be a good influence? :-)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

101% Happy!

A very interesting title indeed. I actually got the idea from Mable's MSN nickname. Well, here's a recount of my nice Saturday.

First, Gail had bubble tea, and I got over enthu about collecting straws for float that I "pinched" at least 4 green bubble tea straws and hid it in my pocket. Hehehe...

Then at night I talked to Mable (Gail's sister), and I just don't know why she was hyper, super happy. And she kept laughing and making me laugh... I have never met her in person before, and I know very well that online chatting, however much you talked about, will tell you nothing about that person.

However, this online persona of hers, was very pleasent, and direct. By direct, I mean that I somehow feel that she just blurts out her feelings. If she is happy, she says she's happy, and if she feels she don't like what you said, she just blurt out that she doesn't like you. The next moment, you said something kind, she'll just say she likes you for saying that...

I can actually learn so much just by her directness, in my blogging, my talking and explaining myself. I learn to be so much more honest to myself, to God, and in my desire to be a better Christian. My later personal blogs has seen such a huge improvement in terms honesty and clarity. I narrate, describe, and articulate in such a detailed way my feelings, shame, struggles, and ask God for help.

I'm more than 101% happy enjoying the chat with her. In fact I also have a greater joy that I have learn yet another simple lesson in life.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Playlist

After listening to that song on youtube, I decided to compile a playlist (yet again) of energetic songs, for times when I'm just lonely, and want something to make me feel....uplifted...:-)

Philippians 3:8

As a follow up for the previous blog, I love this song. A very hard song to sing indeed, if you really want to mean what the lyrics says...



All I once held dear, built my life upon,
All this world reveres and wars to own;
All I once thought gain I have counted loss,
Spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best,
You're my joy, my righteousness,
And I love You Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more,
To be found in You and know as Yours,
To possess by faith what I could not earn
All surpassing gift of righteousness

Oh to know the power of Your risen life,
And to know You in Your sufferings;
To become like You in Your death, my Lord,
So with You to live and never die.

Justin's Message for Bible Study

Today was such an eventful day. Just this morning, around 2-3am, I discovered my shameful attitudes, and decide to change, then at night, during bible study, Justin's message was so accurate and hit right home.

Today's Bible study was on Psalms 119:33-40

It is such a suitable passage, because it tells us so much about how David had to ask for God's help in understanding His word, how David had to ask God to make him walk in His command, and give him the eagerness for God's laws. He knows he cannot do it on his own, and he needs God's help to walk in the righteous path.

It encourages me so that even a faithful man like David needed constant help from God to keep himself in the right path, what more I?

There is so much I wish I could change, there are so many shortcoming that I wish weren't a part of me, but here they are, given to me as a blessing, that I may know of God's grace and power when He ultimately help me overcome all of these. Lord, reassure me of Your promise, made to those who fear You. Help me abandon my shameful ways, for Your regulations are good. I long to obey Your commandments! Renew my life with Your goodness.

I'm still struggling with my selfish desires, the things that I hold so dear to my heart. I know that I have to let it go, and count it as nothing compared to the love for God. It is also a blessing, that I should have something I cherish so dearly, that I find so hard to give up and let go for obedience to Christ. For what worth is a sacrifice if it be so easily given up. I can easily let go all to God but for the one thing that I hold dear as my OWN, at least there is still one thing that is MINE, and MINE alone. There is one thing I cherish more than and above all else, but God has to take that place, and it is a privilege that I should have something of such value to give up as my sacrifice for Him.

I'm not at all happy about it, in fact I am rebelling. I am running away from letting go. I am trying to dodge my responsibility of giving God TOTAL control of my life. I am stubbornly holding on to just that one thing, one thing that I can call MY OWN. All else that are less important, I can surrender with no complains. But He says that's not enough. He want's my all. Everything that is mine is His. I'm still struggling and praying that He helps me learn the joy of obeying His commands.

Restore unto me, the joy of Thy salvation, and reneweth Thy spirit within me...

Monday, June 23, 2008

Committing to Him

Life hasn't been as smooth sailing, at least, as I see it. But somehow, I know that God is still in control and I shall in all things, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight my path.

For committing to God is not something that comes naturally to me. I do not know how many times I have faced this dilemma. I know full well that it is written that God's plan is best for me, and that all things work for the good of those who loves Him. But easier said then done. There is in me, a primitive human desire to achieve what we think we want to achieve, and leaving things into God's hand will mean some sort of surrendering our control to Him. It is also a form of giving up my responsibility of planning my own life.

Somehow, this just does not tally with my principle, or habit, of being overly independent. Sometimes, there is also a worry that what God wants may not be the thing that I want, maybe because it gives me satisfaction, or the pleasure that I desire at that moment. How I need to be more trusting – not to be overly caught up with enjoying the icing and leaving no attention left for the rest of the cake, the bigger plan that He has for my life.

My prayer is no more, show me your plan, neither is it I entrust my life into Your hand, without actually being able to give Him my all. My prayer is now "Lord, help me to let go of my life, and be able to give You the wheel, to let You be in full control of my life. To commit all into Your hand, and not question your plans."

Oh how can I God's plan heed,
my own heart resist?
Oh how can I His plan live,
and not my own way insist?

For Thy ways are higher than my ways
Thy thoughts my thoughts,
Even if the world be mine, still I shall say
but for Thy way in me, all in naught.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Love is Patient, Live is Kind, it Slowly Makes One Loose His Mind; This is My Story, This is My Song

"Love is Patient, Live is Kind, Love Means Slowly Losing Your Mind." -How true!
(Taken from 27 Dresses, just random, I think I'm still a long way from losing my mind, so rest assured)



Fanny J Crosby was born normal, but lost her sight before she turned 1 due to wrong medication, and lost her dad after her first birthday. She wrote this:
"Blessed Assurance, Jesus is Mine,
Oh What a Foretaste of Glory Divine!"
It was so touching... She wrote her story with such hope
"This is My Story, This is My Song,
Praising My Saviour, All the Day Long!"
If I only have half the hope she had, whom, despite all the wrong things that could happen in her life, she still wrote such songs of faith!

Hope is the lighthouse of life
It is the incentive to succeed
It is the manifestation of faith...

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

New Blinds "Sweeps" Clean

Yay! Finally got my new blinds for my room. It's been almost a year now since I complained to the office about the faulty blinds. Now I can open and shut them, "sweep" them to one side, all with just a simple pull of a string.

Sadly, will only have 2 months left to use them, before I move into my new room, hopefully the blinds there are not faulty...:-)

Trip to West Coast Park

Sometimes it's just good to be alone.

I walked to WCP yesterday, had so many things occupying my mind, I decided to take some time off.

Called home, wanted to cheer myself up with my family's news...

But the most important part, and by far the majority of the trip there comprise of self inquiry, and prayers, meditation.

Recommitted myself to God, restructured my aim in life, and letting go of things that I once held dear, in exchange for living a life for His purpose.

I need more time for personal retreat. I think I need more quiet time, and the only place I can do it is somewhere with nobody I know. I must spend more time making appointment with myself, and not let anything get in its way...

Monday, June 2, 2008

Trip to JB, It's Complicated™ in Sinagpore

Had to pass some books to my dad who is coming down to JB, so I made the trip up to meet him. Went a day earlier and took advantage of the hospitality of my Aunt.

Well, she's finally back from Canada, so we had home cooked meals. Hooray!

Put up the night there, watching Slam Dunk with my cousin until 4am. It is no wonder I woke up at 10 am the next morning...

We initially wanted to photocopy the books, but none of the shops can do it in time for my dad to catch the bus back, so he had to bring the books back. It's all right, since I can extend the loan up to 6 weeks. Ah, the advantages of being a student at NUS.

Dad took me for lunch, which was chicken rice. And briefed my more about the routes around JB, as my map of JB is patchy, at best... Now I can safely and confidently bring my friends down to JB and show them around, or go look for GOOD food!

I'm still learning, hopefully I will get to drive more often in JB, and learn more about the road system there.

Interesting thing that happened was that we played badminton together today. Chao Yian, Zhi Jun, Dennis, JJ, and Jasvind. Was a great evening. Initially, I wanted to walk to West Coast Park to kill my boredom, and spend some time alone. Maybe I'll do it later...

Tirza's Status message was encouraging: "Happiness is to know the Saviour!" Guess I should be happy in all circumstances!